Do I?
Do I not?
The answer writhes in my hand,
knowing it full well
I try to crush it in my hands.
But it will not be crushed.
I hide it in my hands,
but it screams out it's truth,
It's part of me, the answer,
I am partly the answer.
I try to stifle it's yells,
I am afraid of anyone else knowing it.
Afraid of having that tender and vulnerable part of me
known by the object of the question.
I try to stifle the answer,
I try to stifle myself,
To crush a part of myself,
And I bleed.
Wrapped in the obcession
of my battle against myself
I had not heard God,
Calling me to stop hurting myself!
How had I forgotten that I am his temple?
How had I tried to crush that part of myself?
The answer cannot be changed by me,
not divided, not forgotten, nor it's value lessend.
The answer is,
I do.
By Jared
I've been thinking a real lot lately, and among all the waffle that went through my brain there was some actual thinking, and I've come to a conclusion.
The answer needs to be turned over to God,
I reckon I've done that.
Trusting God is somtimes a bit like offering my arm for an tetnus injection, you know that there will be a jab of pain and a local reaction that swells to the size of a tennis ball (well, it does for me), but I know that result of my trusting God to do with my answer (or is it his?) is like the benefits of the vaccination. Tetnus does some terrible things to the body when it gets a hold. I know some of the(really cool) people reading this would call the description a "fast forwardy" bit. So I won't.
Anyway,
Slàn!
J
Monday, October 23, 2006
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Funny thing....
The funny thing about writing my thoughts down and posting them on the internet is that I can never really take into account the things which I havn't thought yet. At the back of my head I know that these things, which I havn't thought, are going to be wild, diverse, shocking, happy and sad. The end of that last statment is a mediocre description of the thoughts I've had today and yesterday. I've had my firm resolve flipped around, the focus of my perspective is on another aspect, and I let my feelings get deeper into the tangle of my reason. What seemingly MUST happen doesn't seem like doom anymore, what should happen is covered now in the ambiguity of the future, it seems the scars are avoidable (well, the ones I envisaged) and hope is back in the picture, filling and spreading from the hole of where I tried to cut it out.
It was rather wet and cold today, but I saw the new blossoms on the trees, heard the birds making a racket and realised something; people who don't look on the bright side need to get a life.
It was rather wet and cold today, but I saw the new blossoms on the trees, heard the birds making a racket and realised something; people who don't look on the bright side need to get a life.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Sky
Barely two minutes ago, I noticed something which I had never noticed before. When looking from the west-facing second storey windows of my house, the lights of Bathurst can be seen as a faint glow in the air when it is raining lightly. It looks pretty cool.
Today I came to a conclusion that I should have came to weeks ago. This conclusion requires action. Sooner or later. It's one which makes me sad. I can stay how I am, knowing what MUST happen, I could try to change what should happen, or, I could say what needs to be said. None of these will make anyone happy in the short term. But If I say what need be, then the scars mightn't hurt so much.
Sometimes it takes a bit of rain to show that the cities' lights are on, and sometimes it takes a bit of trouble for Jared to see the position of another person's life. Go figure.
Today I came to a conclusion that I should have came to weeks ago. This conclusion requires action. Sooner or later. It's one which makes me sad. I can stay how I am, knowing what MUST happen, I could try to change what should happen, or, I could say what needs to be said. None of these will make anyone happy in the short term. But If I say what need be, then the scars mightn't hurt so much.
Sometimes it takes a bit of rain to show that the cities' lights are on, and sometimes it takes a bit of trouble for Jared to see the position of another person's life. Go figure.
Friday, September 01, 2006
Growing up
The realisation that every day, I will have to decide which direction to go for the rest of my life.
That holding hands is scary, exciting, terrifying, happy, unsure and secure at the same time.
That every day for the rest of my life, God has taken away my reason to fear the "Old tin Hat".
That the peace of God comes with having the humility to ask him to heal the deepest wounds, that hate is a wound that festers and that love heals a crippled heart more surely than any quack. That physical pain and discomfort could always be worse. That my problems aren't unique. That taking the opportunities you have is like making new freinds, it's never smooth at first, sometimes it hurts, sometimes you make a lasting freindship, there's always scope for mutual disapointment, you might end up married to one and you'll never know them if you don't introduce yourself. That sometimes my analogies just don't work. That God's grace is always enough, and that coffee addiction is a real problem if all the motel has is instant.
And that there is always something I havn't realised or noticed right under my nose.
For instance, I missed a tiny bit just near my right nostril when I was Shaving yesterday.
I used to be impatient to have facial hair, now I think its a bit of a nuisence.
Slàn!
Maybe one day I'll feel inspired when writing.
That holding hands is scary, exciting, terrifying, happy, unsure and secure at the same time.
That every day for the rest of my life, God has taken away my reason to fear the "Old tin Hat".
That the peace of God comes with having the humility to ask him to heal the deepest wounds, that hate is a wound that festers and that love heals a crippled heart more surely than any quack. That physical pain and discomfort could always be worse. That my problems aren't unique. That taking the opportunities you have is like making new freinds, it's never smooth at first, sometimes it hurts, sometimes you make a lasting freindship, there's always scope for mutual disapointment, you might end up married to one and you'll never know them if you don't introduce yourself. That sometimes my analogies just don't work. That God's grace is always enough, and that coffee addiction is a real problem if all the motel has is instant.
And that there is always something I havn't realised or noticed right under my nose.
For instance, I missed a tiny bit just near my right nostril when I was Shaving yesterday.
I used to be impatient to have facial hair, now I think its a bit of a nuisence.
Slàn!
Maybe one day I'll feel inspired when writing.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Found this thingy
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
"retain the central ideological values and core concerns as we can"
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch?
The southern wall.
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Doctor Who!
4. Without looking, guess what time it is.
9:15
5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
9:13
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Coughing!
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
I got some water from the tank a few hours ago.
8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
A Homeschooler's forum.
9. What are you wearing?
Jeans, Black tee and a jumper.
10. Did you dream last night?
I don't remember.
11. When did you last laugh?
Too long ago!
12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Stuff, some testamurs, bookshelves, much bookshelf.
13. Seen anything weird lately?
Well, I walked past a mirror not too long ago.....
14. What do you think of this quiz?
Nothing really, I could start thinking, but that might be hard.
15. What is the last film or video you saw?
Chicago.
16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
I have never put much thought into that. probably a whole lot of Bibles.
17. Tell me something about you that I don’t know.
I'm a bloke!
18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics,
what would you do?
Get rid of the hatred.
19. Do you like to dance?
I sure do!
20. Comment to George Bush:
Ummm, "it's not the critic that counts!"
21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Well, I'd have to discuss that with my other half. Who I'm not sure if I've met yet.
22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
I would suggest, to my hypothetical other half, the name Enoch. very Biblical.
23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
There's no doubt about that.
24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gate?
"Well done good and faithful servant"
Well,
That was pretty random.
I should have spent the time on something more constructive.
Oh well, maybe I can think of something worthwhile to say later.
Slàn!
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
"retain the central ideological values and core concerns as we can"
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch?
The southern wall.
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Doctor Who!
4. Without looking, guess what time it is.
9:15
5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
9:13
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Coughing!
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
I got some water from the tank a few hours ago.
8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
A Homeschooler's forum.
9. What are you wearing?
Jeans, Black tee and a jumper.
10. Did you dream last night?
I don't remember.
11. When did you last laugh?
Too long ago!
12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Stuff, some testamurs, bookshelves, much bookshelf.
13. Seen anything weird lately?
Well, I walked past a mirror not too long ago.....
14. What do you think of this quiz?
Nothing really, I could start thinking, but that might be hard.
15. What is the last film or video you saw?
Chicago.
16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
I have never put much thought into that. probably a whole lot of Bibles.
17. Tell me something about you that I don’t know.
I'm a bloke!
18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics,
what would you do?
Get rid of the hatred.
19. Do you like to dance?
I sure do!
20. Comment to George Bush:
Ummm, "it's not the critic that counts!"
21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Well, I'd have to discuss that with my other half. Who I'm not sure if I've met yet.
22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
I would suggest, to my hypothetical other half, the name Enoch. very Biblical.
23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
There's no doubt about that.
24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gate?
"Well done good and faithful servant"
Well,
That was pretty random.
I should have spent the time on something more constructive.
Oh well, maybe I can think of something worthwhile to say later.
Slàn!
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
And so....
I gave it some thinking,
and I gave it some thought,
and I finally decided,
to keep this poem short.
I came up with that one when I should have been studying.
Anyway, down to business! About the question I posed in my first post...... I have decided not to detail an answer here. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but I now think that the question I raised in my first post doesn't actually address the issue I thought it did, also, I just don't feel like turning my blog into a series of essays about things that pop into my head while waiting to go somewhere. However, if someone asks me to, I can relate my leangthy opinion on the issue.
Whenever I write a poem, It's because the inspiration for it is Just there, right in my recent experiance. This sometimes means I write about burnt dinner, people who make me feel really angry or a satisfying Cup of Coffee. But the one thing in common that can be found in any poem I write that took me longer than two minutes to write, is my faith. It's the one thing I have as a constant. My self-esteem, happiness, health, comfort and everything else are unreliable, but Jesus is reliable, and he's always in my recent experiance.
Here's another likkle poem That I wrote, It doesn't have a name, but the name doesn't define the poem, just the content.
Today was a bit grueling,
with hard bits here and there,
Hurts and bumps and careless words,
and things that just weren't fair.
Grinding pain was with me too,
Blaring through my being,
and at times the best I managed,
was just to keep from crying.
But in all of that, the worst of my day,
when my tasks seemed too big for me,
I felt you there, Lord, Holding me up,
Helping me stand and be free.
Anyway, I should go and clean up the Kitchen now.
But before I do, I am going to try to write "hello world" with yellow rubber gloves on.
Here goes for a Jared's first............. (drumroll).............
hello worlkd.
Well, that was pretty unspectaculoar., I'll just have to live with it.
Slàn!
Jazza.
and I gave it some thought,
and I finally decided,
to keep this poem short.
I came up with that one when I should have been studying.
Anyway, down to business! About the question I posed in my first post...... I have decided not to detail an answer here. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but I now think that the question I raised in my first post doesn't actually address the issue I thought it did, also, I just don't feel like turning my blog into a series of essays about things that pop into my head while waiting to go somewhere. However, if someone asks me to, I can relate my leangthy opinion on the issue.
Whenever I write a poem, It's because the inspiration for it is Just there, right in my recent experiance. This sometimes means I write about burnt dinner, people who make me feel really angry or a satisfying Cup of Coffee. But the one thing in common that can be found in any poem I write that took me longer than two minutes to write, is my faith. It's the one thing I have as a constant. My self-esteem, happiness, health, comfort and everything else are unreliable, but Jesus is reliable, and he's always in my recent experiance.
Here's another likkle poem That I wrote, It doesn't have a name, but the name doesn't define the poem, just the content.
Today was a bit grueling,
with hard bits here and there,
Hurts and bumps and careless words,
and things that just weren't fair.
Grinding pain was with me too,
Blaring through my being,
and at times the best I managed,
was just to keep from crying.
But in all of that, the worst of my day,
when my tasks seemed too big for me,
I felt you there, Lord, Holding me up,
Helping me stand and be free.
Anyway, I should go and clean up the Kitchen now.
But before I do, I am going to try to write "hello world" with yellow rubber gloves on.
Here goes for a Jared's first............. (drumroll).............
hello worlkd.
Well, that was pretty unspectaculoar., I'll just have to live with it.
Slàn!
Jazza.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Things that crossed mind while I was typing
Well, my sunday has run away
and monday has now come,
I've still got many things to do,
A gauntlet yet to run.
But even though I doubt sometimes,
and shy away from fear,
God is always standing by me,
That point is always clear.
And when my rhyme and metre fail,
and my equations don't equate,
God still loves me anyway,
Which is a blessed fate.
Written impulsivly at about 12:45 AM Monday, by me.
Well, At the moment I am formulating a more complete answer to the question posed In my first post. It'll take some time, the draft is already about three paragraphs long.
It occurred to me in the middle of the night to explain what Slàn means and why I used SombasaUmpartiate as my Url. Slàn is a Gaelic word meaning "go safely", And Sombasa Umpartiate is totally misspelt Zulu that sort of means grabbing Apartide against it's will. It's from a south African Song that often gets called 'Sibamba' (the song's about grabbing apartheid and throwing it into the sea). Apartheid has already crashed and burned, but I like the song muchly.
As I was reading psalm 51 today, which is perhaps one of my favorite passages of scripture, The following bit Jumped out at me like it hadn't before: "Make me hear joy and gladness, That bones you have broken may rejoice." (vs. 8, NKJV). How often do I pray that? That God will change me on the inside so that I can always rejoice, even when the bones go crunch? Not enough. But then again, the point is not whether I pray enough, laugh enough or sing enough. The point, is that God desires our inward parts. Our heart. Praying is works. Faith is Faith. Faith without works is dead, Works without faith get you nowhere. Faith in our heart that is alive spawns works. Throw a Good helping of love over everything, along with the Live Faith in our hearts and we have the following from Ephesians chapter 3: "That Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height- to know the love of christ which passess knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." (vs 17-19, NKJV).
I'm not sure if this really qualifies as ranting.
Oh well.
Cait, Al and David,
this one's for you;
Streetvulopho
Trusting is a scary thing,
to close your eyes and make a leap,
trusting in a promise made,
and hoping that a promise Keeps
Hoping is a wonderous thing,
It stirs the heart, and spurs the soul,
on towards that lovely thing,
that has become our highest goal
But what is trust without great hope,
placed in a promise against our fall?
And trustless hope spurs no-one's soul,
and isn't really hope at all.
Love is better than both of these,
it stays throughout, over long years.
love stays love through faltered trust,
through shameful, bloody, hopeless tears
And Jesus loved us while still rebels,
and gave us love in hopeless days,
so we can have great hope in trusting him,
and him being near us, the length of lifes' Maze.
I came up with the name when I was into making up anagrams.
It's made up of three words used in the poem.
I actually wrote it a while ago and posted it on www.talkjesus.com
Alrighty,
I just remembered some other things which I must get done (about four).
Slàn!
P.S.
Just in case anyone wonders how a poem can be for someone/s without being written Specifically for them, then my answer is Jubbley Wubbly. It's like singing a song for someone/s. so as the cheat says, Meh!
and monday has now come,
I've still got many things to do,
A gauntlet yet to run.
But even though I doubt sometimes,
and shy away from fear,
God is always standing by me,
That point is always clear.
And when my rhyme and metre fail,
and my equations don't equate,
God still loves me anyway,
Which is a blessed fate.
Written impulsivly at about 12:45 AM Monday, by me.
Well, At the moment I am formulating a more complete answer to the question posed In my first post. It'll take some time, the draft is already about three paragraphs long.
It occurred to me in the middle of the night to explain what Slàn means and why I used SombasaUmpartiate as my Url. Slàn is a Gaelic word meaning "go safely", And Sombasa Umpartiate is totally misspelt Zulu that sort of means grabbing Apartide against it's will. It's from a south African Song that often gets called 'Sibamba' (the song's about grabbing apartheid and throwing it into the sea). Apartheid has already crashed and burned, but I like the song muchly.
As I was reading psalm 51 today, which is perhaps one of my favorite passages of scripture, The following bit Jumped out at me like it hadn't before: "Make me hear joy and gladness, That bones you have broken may rejoice." (vs. 8, NKJV). How often do I pray that? That God will change me on the inside so that I can always rejoice, even when the bones go crunch? Not enough. But then again, the point is not whether I pray enough, laugh enough or sing enough. The point, is that God desires our inward parts. Our heart. Praying is works. Faith is Faith. Faith without works is dead, Works without faith get you nowhere. Faith in our heart that is alive spawns works. Throw a Good helping of love over everything, along with the Live Faith in our hearts and we have the following from Ephesians chapter 3: "That Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height- to know the love of christ which passess knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." (vs 17-19, NKJV).
I'm not sure if this really qualifies as ranting.
Oh well.
Cait, Al and David,
this one's for you;
Streetvulopho
Trusting is a scary thing,
to close your eyes and make a leap,
trusting in a promise made,
and hoping that a promise Keeps
Hoping is a wonderous thing,
It stirs the heart, and spurs the soul,
on towards that lovely thing,
that has become our highest goal
But what is trust without great hope,
placed in a promise against our fall?
And trustless hope spurs no-one's soul,
and isn't really hope at all.
Love is better than both of these,
it stays throughout, over long years.
love stays love through faltered trust,
through shameful, bloody, hopeless tears
And Jesus loved us while still rebels,
and gave us love in hopeless days,
so we can have great hope in trusting him,
and him being near us, the length of lifes' Maze.
I came up with the name when I was into making up anagrams.
It's made up of three words used in the poem.
I actually wrote it a while ago and posted it on www.talkjesus.com
Alrighty,
I just remembered some other things which I must get done (about four).
Slàn!
P.S.
Just in case anyone wonders how a poem can be for someone/s without being written Specifically for them, then my answer is Jubbley Wubbly. It's like singing a song for someone/s. so as the cheat says, Meh!
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